I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
