That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
