dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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