I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize