rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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