I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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