So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This is the prime rib incident all over again
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
