I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
