i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
