Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize