New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
