remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
