I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
