1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish I could teleport
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
