I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
