we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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