Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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