i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
