I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize