Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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