So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just googled if crying burns calories
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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