3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
