is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
