a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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