You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
