drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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