You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize