I'm eating all of the evidence.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
