Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
