420 ftw
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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