I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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