If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
