we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
