so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
