my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The Olympian is in my bed
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
