Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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