Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
