Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize