if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
