Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
