So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
