so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
