I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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