Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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