She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
