The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
