last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
