So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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