I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
