why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
there was a trapeze. enough said
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
