Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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