I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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