Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
