Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
