but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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