the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize