just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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