i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This is classic penis vs brain.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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