Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
