You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
