we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
