If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
