His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
