I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize