I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize