Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
