Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Houston, we have a blender
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
