Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
