First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize