I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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