next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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