Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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